To close a chapter

Forty Thank You Notes, after Jeanann Verlee

Dear Clara, I’m sorry you never saw my boat. I hope I see you again. I hope you still want to draw my hands.

Dear IQ, Thanks for the iPad. I sold it for drugs.

Dear Darrell, That was a mistake.

Dear Tom, Thank you for taking care of me when I died. It did get weird, right? Because I’d still like to be your friend.

Dear Yas, I have no words. I do care, I do care, I do.

Dear Bella, I have too many words. Thank you for yours, for listening.

Dear Roger, Sorry for telling everyone it was bad, but like, it was.

Dear Rolling Stock and Translate and Corner Shop, I wonder if you miss me. I don’t miss you.

Dear Cocaine, I don’t miss you.

Dear Shoreditch, I don’t miss you.

Dear Granary Square, I miss you though.

Dear Olivier, I heard you said I was cool. You’re cool too.

Dear Christopher, Keep me posted on the revolution.

Dear Mihai, I cared about you, whatever that means. I don’t know if you cared too. I don’t think it matters.

Dear Regent’s Canal, Wherever you run feels like home.

Dear Dave, What you’ve done is yours to tell about. You don’t have to like it. That doesn’t make me wrong.

Dear Lioness, I have a big fat crush on you. Thanks for letting me kiss you.

Dear Enigma, I love you for everything you gave me. Hot showers, though, are nice.

Dear Gerard, Sometimes you get it, sometimes you help, but you always try to. That, alone, is enough.

Dear Tom and Chris and Deasy, Yeah, I’m just cursed.

Dear Adrien, I pray you find good people. You’re right to be angry and sad, but that isn’t all you can be.

Dear Anna, I knew there was something amazing about you, I’m glad we both stuck it out.

Dear Kim, I’m going to New Zealand. Thank you for your music.

Dear Tom, I don’t know why you changed me like you did, and I know you didn’t mean to, but I can’t stop thanking you for it.

Dear Sarah, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m done saying sorry.

Dear Shi, That was fun, I think.

Dear Joe, I liked you so much because the sex was good, because we tried to learn the Haka, because we didn’t succeed.

Dear Melissa, Be kind to yourself. Keep fighting, keep going, keep faith in good people. It’s called a baoding ball.

Dear Jay, That was weird, that time the world ended. I am thankful we could hold each other through it.

Dear Louise, Of course we found each other in that bar on that last night. Of course you’d just been thinking of me. Of course it’s all destiny.

Dear Chiara, That is exactly what I meant. Trust it, you might as well. I hope you know I love you, even when I don’t text back.

Dear London School of Economics, Yeah, I made the decisions I made.

Dear Purity, Something about you makes me want to be stronger than I am.

Dear Lawrence, Did you ever get your keys back? Was I supposed to give them to you? Was that the whole point?

Dear Hunter, You were dead useful, but I just hate you.

Dear Jade, I think of you when I unlearn something that’s wrong.

Dear David, Thank you for loving me, for being patient while I try. I understand if your patience has run out. I still love you, either way, and I’m still trying.

Dear Clément, I’ll never tell you not to. Know that I get it, that I’ve been there, that I wanted to and don’t now.

Dear Jamie and Daisy and Matt, at the least, I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye. You’re great. Goodbye.

Dear London, So long, and thanks for all the fish.


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