What do you do when the world is just too much?
Sit. Breathe. Let it be too much.
Cry. Scream. Curl into a ball under the duvet and maybe never leave. Maybe.
The conventional wisdom here runs something like The world isn’t too much, it’s just your mindset.
No, actually, fuck that. The world is too much. It’s horrible too much of the time. People are cruel and uncaring and thoughtless and oppressive and fucked up too much of the time. Everyone is at least some of the time. I am, you are.
You’re also kind and generous and honest and compassionate and passionate and beautiful at least some of the time. The same goes for everyone else.
You can love your enemies, but they’re still your enemies right now. They’re still fighting against the world you want to build. They’re still undoing the work you do every day. Pushing things backwards. Making things worse.
It’s okay to despair. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. To cry. To rage. To rest. It’s okay to want to give up. It’s even okay to give up.
The question is: do you want to?
There are small moments of kindness everywhere. There are small moments of violence everywhere. People hurt you, you hurt people. People help you, you help people.
The glass isn’t half empty or half full. It’s not about your mindset. It is both. Depending on where you settle yourself for the moment, it may actually be fuller or emptier.
This doesn’t mean you need to settle yourself elsewhere. It doesn’t mean you need to endure where you’re at.
The question is: what do you need?
Me, I need to try to fill the glass. Keep filling it, no matter how many holes get punched back through and how much leaks back out. Even if it’s already too late to keep it from emptying, I still need to try. I need to keep going, even if I’m going it alone.
And what I want is people who get it. Not to follow me, not to follow behind, I want people just going where I’m going. I want people who care. I want people who love. I want kind people, strong people, hardworking people who will help to do the work I’m trying to do. People I can say everything to but don’t have to say anything to. The ones who already know, because they’re in it too. They’re doing it every day. I want to help those people.
Your life in this form is finite. Time is a zero sum game. You have time for the people you make time for. You fill your day with the experiences and companions you fill it with. Choose them wisely.
Sometimes you have to clear out the bad before the good rises in its place. You have to cut out the wrong people for the right ones to fit. And the timeline isn’t always perfect. You may spend a long time with nothing, with no one.
Trying for sanity in an insane world can be so lonely. Walking away from what others idolize can be so isolating. Love in the face of hate can be so painful.
It’s okay to give up. To give in. To go back, to stop seeing, to stop fighting. To blindly follow again.
But I am asking you not to. I’m politely begging you, please don’t. The choice is always only ever yours. But know that I want you here, trying with me. I’m here, trying too. And if we’re in this together, then we’re not so alone after all. Maybe it gets easier together. Maybe we can make each other stronger. We can ease each other’s pain, help each other up. Maybe there are even more of us out there, we just have to find each other.
And we can hold each other through the darkness. Turn each other back to the light. The more of us there are, the brighter the light gets. The more people will see us shining. The more people won’t settle for the darkness anymore. The more enemies will turn into allies, become part of us.
The world is too much because we let it be that way. It’s okay to let it. It’s okay to rest, even to stop entirely.
But I want to keep going, no matter how much it hurts. No matter how alone I feel. I’m going where the light leads. Hit me up if you’re going too.